Not My Fault...

i went shopping yesterday i got new clothes and stuff like that, here is our allowences

• £30 a month for clothes (can be saved up)
• £10 a month for shoes (Can be saved up)
• £15 for toiletries and make up a month, (witch can be saved up)

 i only bought 2 tops and spent my toiletrie money, i do think that it is ridiculous that they exoect us to get toiletries and make up with £15 a month!

then i got in and decided to go to the local pub! i dont drink though just whent along with my friends, staff did the usawel, rang me at 11 asking where i was, i said id be home for 12, i got in they was really annoyed that i had kept them up an hour, i just laughed and said 'next time i wont come home, mind you none of you would notice!'

the 2 staff on sleep just aggreed with me

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Well today i got up at around half 7, i needed too go too work.

as soon as a woke up i vomited but i stil manged to pull my act together and get ready and be off too work.

i finally got there look like absoulte S**t, i looked so pail and ill.

My manager asked me what was up so i told her i was sick.

she couldnt get me out of the building quick enough!

i have towait 48hours beforei can enter the building as i work in a pre-school

Then ive spent the day on the computer been really depressed all day and fed up

but hey, chin up eh!

Just Something to Leave you With;;

A Nail In My Coffin:

Here I lie in my coffin of shame
Killed by someone whose face I never saw
Cuts on my body, wounds no one can see
Why does the story end this way?

It's a nail in my coffin
I'm one step closer to the edge
I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown
Standing on the outside and looking in

'See It Through My Eyes, Not somebody Elses'

I Suppose You'll Want to Know About Me...

Well..
i am 16, i live in bridlington in a children's home, I'm a usawel girly girl, but can have my boy moments!

i love hair extensions, fake tan, fake nails, fake eye lashes...

i love my clothes and shoes and acecories too!

i love coral coulers a very neutral coulers and pastel :)

i wear what i feel comfortable in, it ranges from dresses and heels too joggers and trainers

i have brown hair and blue eyes, im naturally pail but i fake tan alot! :)

i am alot more mature for my age then most people and i am actually quite smart undernieth the ssurface!

i'll tell you tell story of how i became in care:
There is alot of previous things to this witch i will reveal later on in the blog..
i whent to school on the 2nd April 2009, it was a usawel day for me, get in school got had a go at for not wearing uniform as my mother wouldnt buy me one, then i got put in theLeanring Support Unit witch was full of kids that didnt want too learn and was thick, and kids that jst messed about.
i got given some work for people in year 7 bearing in mind i was in year 9, i completed it in 5 minutes and got extreamly bored.. so i joined in with the others and messed about, as soon as i started i got told off, because i was the smart one who they had expectations for but when the others did it they got away with it because people expected them too mess about, so i did the usawel thing i got really defensive.
then the teacher told me to get to iscolation becuase i was disrupting other peoples learning, i got into a full blown argument because i didnt think it was fair because they got away with it and i didnt, when the duty teacher came too take me away to iscolation i refused to move witch meant they had to call the deputy head teacher as the head was away, the deputy head teacher was great, he was called Mr garghan he was very sympathetic and he knew something was wrong, he said because of my actions i neded to be elxuded for a couple of days.
i refused too get off the school premisesas i didnt want to go home, the teachers thought i was just been orqaud and stuborn but little did they know something was going on.
an d things was going to get a little bit deeper.
Mr Garghan asked me why i didnt want to leave i told hm that my step dad was beating me upso i didnt wanna go anywhere, he told me id besafe from now on and he toldme to go get some fresh air whilst he made a few phone calls, so there i was having a cigerette, and my mum and step dad came flying down the school drive, nearly knocked some of the children over. i made sure that they didnt see me as i finished my cigerette.
after id had my fresh air i wandred back into the suport unit, Jackie Gibson the teacher who runs the support unit was pleased to see that i was back safe and that i ddnt run off, she had told me that they had run social services, half an hour later a social worker came too see me and she brought with hr a social worker in trianing, there names was Lisa Wray and victoria Creed, i wasnt in the best of moods so i started throwing chairs about the room and just genrally damgeing things. eventully i calmed down and spoke to them they asked me what had gone on and i told them, litle id they no my past had a million and one things more to tell, they whent and had a chat with my mum and step dad and then they came back to me.
Lisa the social worker looked at me and said your mum doesnt want you your going to have to come with us, with that they took me to my nans house and little did they know the war had just begun, so it came up to the 6 weeks holidays and already i had nearly drove my nan and grandad to an early grave.
i was taken into care september 2009, in the months i was there at my nans i had stole £1000 off them for drink and drugs and whent missing for days on end.. then theyd had enough of it too, so the police arrested me and took me into the Croft childrens home in Pocklington....

i hope you found this story interesting, don't judge me just becasue of this, i have changed now!

'See It Through My Eyes And Not Somebody Elses'

Same Old S**t, Just A Different Day...

Well i suppose yesterday was an average day to be honest, and incase your wondering what an average day is here goes:

• I get treated like an outcast.
• i get abused my the other kids.
  
• some of the staff just don't like me.

before i tell you what i did and what happened yesterday i will tell you a little about the house, at the moment we have 5 kids in, a standard children's home you can only have 6 children!
they is Caroline, Kallum, Louise, Kirsty and me, Sasha :)

Also they is allot of staff witch i will list :)


Ricky - The Home Manager - Can be OK
Ben - Deputy Home Manager - never helps me what so ever!
Jenny- Senior Care Officer - she can be alright
Craig - Senior Care Officer - Hate Him.
Rob - Senior Care Officer - So feminine but he's great!
Sarah - Care Officer - LEGEND!
Jamie - Care Officer - LEGEND!
Glenn - Care Officer - Very strange! but cool :)
Adam - Care Officer - Meh, not keen on him
Julie.S - Care Officer - LEGEND!
Julie.M - Care Officer - Doesn't do her job properly, i actually hate her!
Sue - Care Officer - cant manage her time equally with the kids, but when i do spend time with her witch is very rare she can be cool :)
Debbie - Care Officer - too full on for me, talks too much, not suitable for the job as she cant read or write :/
Lisa - Relief Care Officer - LEGEND!
Emma- Relief Care Officer - Mehhh. I can tolerate her
Paul - Relief Care Officer - hes great but sings far too much
Tony - Relief Care Officer - He use to be full time but left to move to Scotland, he still he comes to see us and does the odd shift, everyone loves Tony!
Lucy - Relief Care Officer - to mothering, it wrong!

i do have my fall outs with the staff but hey who doesn't fall out!
so i will tell you about my day yesterday :)
i woke up around 6:30 with Caroline playing her music far too loud, it even woke the staff up but as usawel they didnt say anything, i kept slowly drifting off and waking up with some really loud awful music, i then got a text off my friend around 10:30 and i decided to go out, she was staying a her nans around 6 miles away, so i asked the staff if i could have a lift because it was a little too far and i didnt know where i was going, they said no i can walk, i stood argung with them for around half an hour saying that they will drop louise off at the top of the street and drop kallum of there but they wont take me 6 miles, i didnt get no where so i just left it, as usawel i got treated like the outcast, i was out all day wth my friends, they was drinking and doing drugs i didnt do any of them because i cant, im 5weeks pregnant, nobody knows though other then my boyfriend, i am not telling the staff, it got too aroud 11:30pm and i couldnt be bothered going home bearing in mind i had to be in for 11pm,, Sarah rang me and asked me if i was going home i said yeah ill be there for 12 so she agreed and i got in for 12:05, she didnt mind, i told her abut the drinking etc ad she said she was proud of me for not doing it, i didnt sleep at all till about 4am, whilst i was out my friend took me to her friends flat and he was a disgrace! he was an alchoholic, not the sort of person i wanted to be around! but instead of been rude, i sat there and bit my tounge, he kept saying he wanted too 'smash My Back Doors In' and saying he would 'Destroy Me' all theese comments was meant in a suxual way, and for thoose that dont know, smashing somebodys back doors in means to give them anal sex, it off Celebrity Juice with Kieth Lemon, and to 'Destroy' someone means to have sexual intercourse with them, i was so close to just hitting him he really frustarted me!.. i laid in bed and just had his voice running around my head it gave me the creeps nd also made me think a hell of alot about my past, and that was it,i was depressed, who ever knew suck a small thing like that can effect someone so deeply....
On my next post i will writee alot more about myself, hope you read it!

'See it through my eyes, not somebody else's'

Shocked, Fed Up And Lonely...

After watching the episode of 'Panorama - Kids In Care' i realised that people dont actually know what its like, that programme did not show what it is like at all! so by writeing this blog i intend to make people aware of what it is actually like!
I am 16 years old, i have been in Local Authority Care since i was 14, i often feel lonely like no one understands, but just because people like me are in care we dont want the sympathy, we dont want to be known as 'the kid in care'.. we have a name and we would like people to use it!
people are very judgemental about us just because we are in care.
we do miss behaive yes, but doesnt every other teenager?
i dont brake and smash thigs for the sake of it, i do it because i want attention and for someone to maybe notice me!
Most young people such as myself are put in care through no fault of their own, and that show made us out to be all horrid children!
some children have deeply rooted problems, such as me.
i have got schitsophrenic tendencies whitch also make it alot harder for me here,
i suffer with anxiaty and depression too, but that doesnt make me a freak.
that is who i am.
my past has shaped me into who i am today, if you keep following you will start to learn more about my past as each post goes on, and you will see it through my eyes and my perspective not through some stupid reporter who see's what they want too!
Thanks for taking the time to read this and i do hope you follow it and take it what i say
thanks Again!

'Just Remeber, See It through my eyes, not somebody else's'